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Urg.

Ok. I have a myspace right? Who doesn't. Anyway. There is a post going around that is "myspace dirty little secrets". Right? Ok Well I have an ex friend on myspace that I don't talk to but i haven't gotten around to deleting them from my friends list yet. So. I posted the dirty little secrets and she reposted it.  I decided that I would prob be able to pick out which was hers because she is a dumbass so she prob put her name by it or something right? So I am reading through and there it is number 14.  "I wish that my ex best friend Alexa (duh that's me) would forgive me for all the things I have done so we could be best buds again".  Ok. Well previously I had posted that My ex dumped me and that I didn't know why and that even though he said a whole bunch of shit about me I would still take him back because I miss being loved right? Well I also posted that I made out with his older brother. (her ex.) SOO yeah. I am pritty much a bitch. I told her that I would forgive her if she forgave me. So we will see how that pans out.

Rant.

I am very frustrated today. Urg. I work at Wendy's as I said before and I asked my mom to pick me up from work today if she wasn't too busy.  She didn't pick me up. I figured that she was too busy to come get me so I walked home. Right? What is she doing when I get home? She is fucking sitting on the couch watching a fucking movie! What the hell right?  I ask her why she didn't come and she said that she didn't realize that I expected her to come. WHY THE HELL DID I ASK THEN? Duh. Then i was practicly in tears (cuz i'm a pussy like that) and she was like.."well... i'm sorry".  So I just said whatever I am going in my room. Urg.

First.

Ok so this is my first livejournal post ever.  I like livejournal because I have things to say and I never get to say them outloud.  It's annoying.  I like being me and I love people.  The biggest problem in my life currently is Stephen.  He dumped me about a month ago and still even though he has said outloud that he just wanted me for sex, that I still want him.  My friends seem to think that its all about the missing the fact that someone is there but I don't think thats true.  See the worst thing is that I was looking for that someone to be there and I did it (practicly) with his older brother who is a close friend  of mine.  It is an issue.  I work at Wendys and I love it.  I just started there a few days ago and it is great.  Stephen is a jurk.  He says things like "I never wanted to go out with her in the first place." and "I just went out with her to have sex with her" and shit like that.  I hate that guys can be such dicks and no one knows till they have fucked them and now they hurt.  I feel like I am missing something in my heart or my body or something.  That is so emo I know but I don't care.  Whatever.  I cut myself for a long time but I don't anymore.  I used to really bad but I stopped about a month ago.  I miss having someone to love me and hug me and shit like that.  And I hate what I have become since he dumped me.  I hate that I am something that i am not.  I need to leave this place for a while.  Urg.
Alexa

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